All of a sudden, last night, I spotted this J on the floor of the garage! Of course, I had to take a picture of it!!!
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Friday, April 16, 2010 - For more than half of his life, Jarrett had a mother who was close to death at times but didn't really look all that sickly. It's hard to claim a handicapped parking spot (which I never did) when you look fine because the prednisone puffs up the body and a person doesn't look pale and wan or on death's doorstep. But I was on the threshold more than once -- more times than I can remember. For many years, I had to take a nap every afternoon because I was so weak and feeble -- not to mention exhausted!

That didn't stop me from taking care of my children because I was the one who wanted them. I think they came to earth to be my babies because they knew I'd always be their champion. Maybe Jarrett's soul knew that more than Andrew's because after my splenectomy, he said, "Mom, please come home, I'll take care of you!"

And he did. I'll never forget it. I can still see that little 7 year old boy in my mind's eye sitting by the side of the bed and taking my "order" for dinner. (What would you like? I don't know. Well, we're having chicken, so you might want to choose that!) It was heartfelt at the time, and now it's heartbreaking because he won't be here when I get old and feeble to care about me. Who will cry when I die? That's the title of book I came across the other day. It makes me wonder.

Apparently, I'm mentally ill because I can't seem to get over the loss of my children. Oh well, a lot of the famous people in history weren't quite right either. I guess I'm in good company.

The point of the J, you wonder? It was Jarrett giving me a message -- clear and cryptic -- that I will be all right. He's the one who always worried about my ITP. After he died, I went into remission and have remained there. I have the feeling that he's telling me, "Mom, I'll take care of you." Amen to that, J-man. Love you forever. ~djb